I Hate "Self-Help" Books...But...

I really despise those "Self-Help" books. Not the DIY (Do-It-Yourself) types where it shows you how to replace your car's front headlights or how to fold a rose from a single ribbon (which is actually pretty cool by the way. I made boutineers!). I'm talking about those other books that try to help you out in your life during a life crisis. These book are either filled with flowery Hippie connotations, or those that give common sense statements that you've already heard before from family and friends, and those statements just weren't working for you.

 Then, there's those other books.... I really, really, really am annoyed and irritated with those books that start off really good, with a list of those questions you happen to be asking yourself, only to fall short with providing a REAL answer to your problem. That's the most upsetting, and I-wanna-bite-and-stab-something kind of feeling, that makes you throw the darn book out the window. This happens when a book seems to promise ANSWERS and give NOTHING to its resolution.

There's been a lot of soul searching I've run into and came across; and I ran into two books that has been quite a fun read. I was very, very reluctant at first to even take a look, but...I don't know...for some reason I took a peak at these and I actually like these books. And I really, really like this one: Beating the Success Trap: Negotiating Your Own Path to Success.

Now grant it, it's been years and years since I've actual sat down and read books back-to-back (I've read only two fantasy/Science Fiction books in the past three years) but these two "Self-Help" books came into my life while I was asking life questions and waiting for signs for answers. I know many don't believe in such things as signs, but I strongly do because I've always experienced getting answers when I seek them out. I wait on the signs to give me some guidance. Now, the signs don't tell me what to DO, but they do give me an idea, and provide situations, that help in making decisions I'm struggling with. And this book came my way right when I needed real answers--my sign.

I've been reading this "Success Trap" book whenever I got some free time (My PC Kindle states I've read about 65% of the book so far). It's pretty big.

It's mainly about how people spend their lives constructing things they don't want, and don't need, only to cut themselves off from their actual personal selves and dreams:

"When people are cut off from a personal connection to what they do in life, from being in alignment with who they really are, they become disenchanted, sometimes even bitter, and they end up seeking solace in drugs, alcohol, food, and sex. In extreme cases of mental anguish, they may often resort to violence."

This author, Ed Brodow, reminds me of those kind of people who just can't make up their minds on what they want to be and what they want to do in life. First he's going to law school (quits), goes into marines (ends), then back in corporate america (quits), and then he's an actor (stops), and then off somewhere else again. He reminds me of that "Rollin' Stone" song: "Wherever he lays his hat is his home". No commitment anywhere, constantly "looking for something," -- a wild and restless spirit. You know the kind, the ones that people keep saying to them that they will NEVER find WHATEVER it is that they seem to be looking for.

However....

This guy gives ANSWERS and is the perfect rolling-stone-type-of-guy to explain himself and why he's acting that way.  He gives example after example of states of unhappiness that keeps you reading, and then explains, YES HE EXPLAINS, the uncomfortable ways you have to get out of it. It is, indeed, a very deep struggle that you have to do in order to do what is written in this book to obtain happiness ... and very scary too.


Why is it scarrrrrry? Well because, what you would have to do goes against, practically, everything you think you understand and what you think you know. Then it just might isolate you from your family and friends once you've completed the steps. That is, if you have family and friends who truly love you and are willing to understand your drastic change of life, and can accept your new or different assertiveness of what you want, then you might not become a Scarlet Letter amongst everyone around you.

But in the end of it all, you're actually fighting for your Happy Ever After and you would be better for it, for you will be at peace, content, and most of all...have your dreams come true.



The other book, which I finished, was "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman. This book actually explained a lot, not just about marriages, but about relationships of people in general and what people actual NEED in their lives and how they need to have their needs met or their "love tank" will go empty resulting in bitterness and affairs. I say "need" several times in that sentence because it's an actual "need," just like food and water, that individuals must have in order to function and avoid physical and mental anguish. They need someone to communicate with on how they want to be loved.

As each of us are individuals, we require a individual type of love. Not all of us speak the same "love" language, and thus you must learn to speak the language of your special someone, and they have to learn to speak your language in order to communicate. The mistake is that most ASSUME that you want the same type of love, when actually yotu both can be very different.

For example, if you speak German and your significant other speaks Japanese, it will be really hard to express yourself and feel a connection with your languages being so far apart. You have to learn each other's language in order to feel as one, and that's what this book is all about.

Both books give steps or guidance on what you must do in order to achieve happiness, and reading them together this one year, brought about a certain enlightenment.

So, if you're looking for that path to your light of happiness, try reading "the why" on why the darkness happen and then you'll receive the answers to "the how" to achieve your light.

Make Me A Mixed Tape

Back in the day, guys would create mixed tapes for those special girls in their lives.  The tape was filled with words that they couldn't quite express, or found would be express more clearly...in music.


Music can speak volumes!


So, I watched Happy Feet Two, and I fell in LOVE with, what to me was, the pinnacle song of the movie. The original song is E lucevan le stelle (The stars were brightly shining) from the opera "Tosca" by Giacomo Puccini. 


And what does Happy Feet have to do with a mix tape, you might say? Well, if I was gonna have a mix tape, I want this song on it.


I know. I'm strange. But this song....


I don't know anything about the opera, but the song of this animated family musical was a delicious explosion to my ears!


The words wrapped up the feeling and story of the road that was being traveled by Mumble, the tapping penguin, sung by his young son Erik. And it went like this:

After all you have done, you really deserved better.Nothing makes sense in this world. It's all a big pile of crazy.

And the kings are all fools.  

Where is the honor, when a solemn promise is just a pretty lie?

And the mighty mock the courage of the humble. 

Although he's just an ordinary penguin...My daddy taught me. 
You don't need to be colossal, to be a great heart ♥. 
You don't need to fly, to be awesome. 

My hero, my father!

Erik's opera was touching! And the saying where "Action speaks louder than words?" Well, music speaks the words of the heart and the soul.


And you can put THAT, your heart and soul, into a mix tape.


Where we lack in communication, it can be fulfilled with music.


If you hunger for love and affection in the deep, physical kind of way, David Guetta - Turn Me On sung by Nicki Minaj, can express it for you.


If you're really wanting someone to know you care, but you're afraid to let them know about it by speaking the actual words, Bound To You from the film Burlesque, sung by Christina Aguilera, can speak those words for you.


If you want to repeat those "I love you" statements, in a different way, I'm Into You sung by Jennifer Lopez, and rapped by Lil Wayne, can redefine your words for you.


If people are talking about you and you're tired of them "throwing stones" about your short-comings, or they're hating ''cause you're brave to do what is considered by society as "immoral" when they feel they can't, Britney Spears's I Wanna Go and Christina Aguilera's  Dirrty can remind you to stay strong and be proud. 


If you want to make light of the situation of Haters Hating you, have Charlie Puth's Haters Follow Me Like Twitter help you rub it in their faces.


Been cheated on? Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats and Melanie Fiona's 4AM can help you ease your pain by understanding you.


Been dumped? Stacie Orrico's Stuck can relate, and Mariah Carey's We Belong Together can tell that person you made a mistake and that you want them back.


Wanna Blow someone's mind? Do it with Whoa!!

• Mya's My Love Is Like...Wo
• Aly & AJ's Like Whoa
• And make your man say, "Oh" with Christina Milian's tips in her song Dip It Low

And if you're wishing for those bright lights in a big city; to be famous and rich, then, Jay-Z and Alicia Keys's song Empire State of Mind will empower you; and Travie McCoy's, featuring Bruno Mars, song Billionaire, can wish it out loud and scream it to the world for you.

Yeah. That's right! Make a mixed tape of your life and bring to your heart and soul the strength it needs to lift it up!  Lift up with music.

Music is definitely a gift to help when spirits are down. It definitely lifts you UP!

Until Next time!

Signs of the Universe

When something happens that's uncanny or unexpected or can't be defined or explained, we usually say these things:

"It's a Small World!"
"Huh. Fathom that?"
"I had a feeling that..."
"What a coincidence!"
"Déjà vu."
"Something told me to..."
"What's the odds of that!"
"Speak of the Devil..."
"That's weird. I was just thinking about..."

At one time or another, we've all experienced something odd to some degree. And it makes me wonder, sometimes, "What does that mean?"  Heck, we have defintions and even statements of things that we don't even believe in. I mean, who came up with the word "aura". Why would someone even THINK of such a thing?

You can't see it!

We experience these weird occurances in our lives all the time--something actually real and can be felt. Yet, we write them off, or shrugg them off, or turn away from these things as if they were just "things that happen."

Why do we do that?
Is these happenings THAT SCARY?
I think so.

Something that can't be defined or explained is very scary. We don't have control over it. It "just happens". For those who are a bit more brave, they may add further statements of definitions like: "The Powers that be" or "The Universe". Other's define it with dieties: god or devil.

No matter what the something is, we all know about it, or are at least aware of it.

I, myself, kind of like the Signs of the Universe. It keeps things interesting. We need a few things to shake up the mundane in our lives now and then; to wake us up; give us an eyebrow lift.

Sometimes signs helps us avoid a bad situation, or helps us make a good decision.

Your body definitely gives you signs!

If you're working too hard, you get sick so that you can rest.  You might get migraines if things are not going right in your life and your body is forcing you to make the RIGHT decision so that you won't be in pain anymore. Not discussing fear in these next examples, but sometimes you might break out in hives, or get a belly ache, or experience anxiety for NO REASON, and that is telling you something as well.

There are road signs from the Universe -- EVERYWHERE -- to help us out while we travel the road of life.


If only we would listen....

Hooking Up? Uh...No, no thanks..And I MEAN IT!

You know, when I was single, I just wanted to find THE ONE, but for some reason, I kept running into a slew of people who just wanted to HOOK UP.

Even when I wrote in on my profile that I wasn't interested in the "Come Over" type, it was still misinterpreted that I was saying "no" only temporary and will be saying YES at the end.

Uh. No.

When I said I want to meet in the public arena for a date, that means just that. When I said, "No, you're not coming over," or "No, I'm not interested in meeting at your place" I meant just that. When I tell you that I'm not into the "Can I come over" type of person, I meant just that. When I said I'm NOT going to sleep with you on the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, or whenever date, I meant JUST THAT!

Why, even today, I'm on a site that is MORE than just a place to "hook up". I can also network there. However, I've been told "YOU NEED TO GET OFF THE SITE" because I happen to respond to an email with a question, or I followed up on what I "thought" was a genuine question to my interest in writing and my books. But because I "responded" to the email, that immediately gave the impression that I wanted to Hook Up?

Huh?

That wasn't a legitimate question you asked in the email then, right? Really? And my response pissed you off because YOU weren't sincere in your email, or you couldn't read my sincere intent on asking a question in response to your email. Really?

Why am I getting misinterpreted time and time again? I mean, I state very clearly my intention in the response, and even repeat that I'm not looking for anything more than just what I stated, and that I'm just answering your question, or asking one in turn, yet still I get these PEOPLE who can't seem to read a response for its LITERAL meaning!

These occurrences are on sites where it is clearly NOT only for dating, but for community thoughts and interests and job findings as well.

I don't get it.

Has the world gone so much insane that plain, written down English isn't "exactly" what a person means?

Have people said, "No," which then turned to "Yes," that often, and done it so much, that NO ONE believes you when you actually mean "No"?

That's kind of scary actually. Wow.

Even those "Christian" sights for finding "The One" is just as bad, no even worse, than those dating sights that aren't. People are there, on a "Christian" online dating site, trying to get their horizontal dance on!

Really?

Has online sites actually turn to more than just "finding The One" but into a big orgy for the world instead? Is internet really just for porn, like Avenue Q sings about?

Back in the day, when there were just a select few people online, and those were the geeks--those who knew how to work on a computer, write a sensible sentence, and enjoy intellectual conversation, I liked the environment much better. There wasn't much misinterpretation, and what someone wanted and didn't want was plainly understood. There was no back-lashing of insults if someone just wasn't interested in what you wanted. It was more of a: "Okay. Thank You," or "Sorry to bother you" ... a lot more courtesy back then in the early 1990s--the AOL days.

But today, there can be someone who claims to have two or three degrees, but type like someone who's in elementary, and can't seem to understand literal typed meanings AND they want to HOOK UP!

Huh? I don't get it.

I guess you can say I could just stop responding to emails, and/or change sites. But what if you've been on that site for years and you like what it does and stands for? What if someone really was legitimate in their email...one day? I would miss out. I guess I just have to wait out these slew of wolves and hunters and allow them to parade on by, eventually finding something or someone or some other site of interest to devour--just wait for the wave to change as it always does.


Sigh. I tell ya. The world has gone mad!

Vacation to play Diablo III? Uh huh...

So, yep, I got a gamer (i.e. hubby) who's taking a 3-day vacation to play Diablo III. Well, actually it's a 3.5 day vacation, because he started playing tonight (Tues), and will be off the next three days (Wed, Thurs, Fri). He picked up his pre-ordered copy today.

"Look. Look," he said with a HUGE GRIN, holding up this large box as soon as I came walking in the door from work. And I looked at this box and I'm thinking, What the heck's in there! All that for a CD?

We'll apparently the gamer (i.e. hubby) got the collector edition. It comes with all sorts of goodies: an artistic book, a USB stick with Diablo II on it (with a very nice holder, I might add, with a Soul Stone stuck in Diablo's head), some invites for friends to come and join you in this parade of gaming, a soundtrack and some added background information (Behind The Scenes and the Cinematics) on the game on a Blu-Ray disk, also with DVD disk...one of both.

The movies are I N C R E D I B L E!!

I took a picture of this huge box, sitting next to my Stargate coaster. It's a pretty nice box.

The gamer (i.e. hubby) also wanted me to review the book with art, which he knew I would like. And let me say, I flipped gradually through the pages and eyed all sorts of imagination. The grotesque images on some of these demons were pretty cool. I like the faceless angels and the different way of depicting their wings. I really like the map, because that's my thing that I'm partial to about books--maps inside books...I just LOVE.

The book even mentions one female character, which they wanted to emphasize her strength and courage, and not all the "sexy" qualities about her. Hmm... Now, THAT was different. But, I do say I like the sexy in the games, and so do Gamers. They do give that sexy-stuff with some other female characters, as well as a naked Harpie type of thing--nipples showing and all.

For three-minutes when the Gamer (i.e. hubby) walked away to tend to house chores, I took the PC mouse and moved the character around a bit. I just love the detail of these games! The Gamer (i.e. hubby) doesn't look at all of that. He wants to immediately "level up" and kill! kill! kill!  I like to view the art and the details painted and drawn inside houses and on characters and the food sitting on tables. Unfortunately, this game is similar to those where you can't zoom in to get all that nice detail in full, but it's clear enough. I like to get close in personal...and maybe one day, they will make all games like that. You know, give that option for those who like that.

The only frustration about the game, just for now, is that you have to have internet connection at ALL TIME to play, and the servers get FULL! The swarm of Gamers are, basically, overloading the system, and that was definitely expected since that, of course, happened during the free Beta testing that was available during a weekend in April. The forums are overloaded and slow, slow, slow, too.  The patient, but anxiously waiting, Gamer, gets kicked out of his game occasionally as they work on servers (they give an announcement with a count-down...which you better heed or you'll loose all your stuff!). He also has to wait for newly created characters to save on the server as well...a long wait for him. But once he's in, it works great, and he can keep his spot for a few hours of gaming!

Eventually, the activity on the servers will level out. This bottle-neck right now will ease up. That's the way these things go when they're new.

Needless to say, I'll be a gaming widow for the next several weeks, even though the gamer (i.e. hubby) took a 3-day vacation start to enjoy his fantasy world.

I can understand that. I'm in a fantasy world EVERY SINGLE DAY, with my stories in my head and wishful thinking of this and that of the fantastic. Writers fantasize daily!

It's always fun to be taken out of this world, and take that carpet ride to A Whole New World.

And Gamers's got it like that!

Until Next time :)

Apologies Will Slowly Kill You

I just love how the characters on Spartacus say, "Apologies." It sounds so cute and...proper.

But, really, one needs to only accept, "I'm sorry," only so many times.

My limit is three (3). Depending on what the apology is, sometimes I can only go up to two (2)--especially if it's about the SAME THING.

If someone does it once, that can be forgiven, but if they do it a SECOND time, the same exact thing...well, that goes into premeditated, and intentional.

It's really beneficial to yourself to stay away, and run far, far away, from those who keep apologizing to you.

Apologies should MEAN something, just like a PROMISE. If someone apologizes to you, it should be sincere and it's supposed to be a promise that it won't happen again. At least, that's how it should be.

It doesn't mean anything if it's constantly REPEATED!

And if you're the one who is constantly hearing it, don't you know that it's sucking the life out of you? Yeah, they're like Vampires, draining you drop by drop of your life blood.

"I said I was sorry!"

Uh Huh. Don't you feel the fangs digging in? Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.

Ask yourself why you're tolerating being hurt and disappointed by this "person" constantly. I I put "person" in quotes, because they really aren't people anymore. They're life suckers!

Forget about their excuses on the reasons "why" they did it; forget about "how hard they had it in life;" forget about all the "woes is me" they put out there to make you feel bad (even if you DID do something wrong to them, you don't have to constantly try to make up for it. Did I say constantly? Yeah, Constantly, as in repeatedly, always happening again and again. Forgive yourself because their actions should tell you that they aren't ever going to forgive you); and forget "the consequences" that you think would come if you don't accept the sorries.

Free yourself from the chains that pull at your heart.

And yeah, it's gonna hurt, because we won't so much to believe that things will change...someday. And letting go is never easy.

But, MAN does it feel good after you do!

I'm sorry, but it will :)

Need Help? Been There, Done That.

Those who extend a helping hand to those who are unhappy, uncertain, lonely, confused, angry, and filled with anxiety, these helping-hand people who have the answers to help those in emotional need, aren't perfect themselves.

That statement isn't a put-down, like those who revel in the thought of a fallen "So-called Christian". It is a beginning of a reasoning on the WHY you can resolve your problems with the help of those who also have them.

A combined effort of people who are alike to help one another is the only reason why those who TRULY seek help can fix themselves. Don't put down those with normal, but not with immoral, problems, because they are Human. YOU are Human, which makes ALL of us ALIKE. We can identify with each other. We can understand each other. We are familiar with each other. We are CONNECTED to each other...because we are alike.

How many times have you heard these statements:

"You don't really know until you've walked in my shoes."
"You don't know what it was like. You weren't there."
"Well...I'm not you, am I?"
"Of course, YOU wouldn't understand."
"You get it!"

One needs to have what is in likeness in order to feel connected. With that connection, you feel comfortable and understood. That person gets you. And that's all that you need to start the steps to fixing yourself, because the one in front of you, the one who is helping you, has been there.

If you TRULY want to change, seek those of likeness, and go towards the change.
There are those who TALK that TALK, but don't take the steps to WALK that WALK. They don't want to make a change that would solve their problems...they just like to TALK about it.

But those who truly want to change and take that walk, they understand that those steps are very, very hard to face, are very,very hard to make. Those steps are very, very (did I say very again? Why, yes I did) very, very uncomfortable, unnatural, insane, and fearful. Sometimes the steps take you away from family and friends and jobs because you wake up and learn that you have steps that you must walk ALONE, and that you must take yourself outside of the "normal" world for some time in order to accomplish fixing yourself.

Fight against those common words:
"Are you going through a mid-life crisis?!"
"That's just the way things are!"
"You think you can do better!"
"There's nothing more than this."
"You have So MUCH! Why are you willing to just throw it all away? And for what?"
"The grass isn't always greener."

Maybe sometimes having EVERYTHING isn't what you want. Maybe having what people consider NOTHING would make you happy. Maybe having MORE is not what you need. Maybe you need something DIFFERENT in order to be happy.

I'm not talking about not facing your Fears where you have to take responsibility, or go outside yourself for someone else for the greater good. I'm not talking about those situations where you can feel when you must do Right but just afraid to do it.

I'm talking about the sensation of doing what is Right for yourself that you know should be done, but are afraid to do it.

Find your happiness and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. There are those who have been there, done that...and they know you. Or they're extending a hand to you to also help themselves.

Finding happiness, finding a good connection, finding Love for yourself IS a Battlefield.

But you must remember, there's always Night Before Day.